Detrimental reinforcement of shallow values



I am beginning to come to the realization that I suffer from fear and anxiety. My fear and anxiety cause me to be controlling, and when I can’t control something I tend to feel frustrated and angry. I need to learn how to let go of the things that I are out of my control. I need to be cognizant of what I can and cannot control.

One of society’s conquests should be to eradicate the trivial existence of phoney, superficial, shallow, materialistic people. I find these people to be incredibly irritating. Unfortunately, i cannot control them therefore; I must find a way to deal with them. How do I accept these object seeking people who adorn themselves in the latest and greatest? Their constant need to portray themselves falsely, living above their means, sinking farther into debt. To what avail? Their newly acquired material possessions aren’t making them happy, are they? The joyful feelings that they experience while purchasing these items is fleeting at best. Perhaps they desire to be envied by their peers. Or maybe they just want to fit in and be accepted by others. Are they simply weak minded, unable to withstand the constant media pressure to consume. Did childhood play a role in their materialistic values? Feelings of inadequacy from growing up poor and wanting to be accepted my a wealthier socioeconomic class. What about parents who value image, and possessions above intelligence. Detrimental reinforcement of these shallow values by parents, instead of nurturing a child’s intellect is often the cause. For instance, a child with a mild learning disability may have been encouraged to value their appearance over their intelligence simply because they required extra help with their studies. Were these parents unwilling or unable to support their child’s cognitive development? They themselves were probably victim to their own parents’ poor value system. The cycle needs to be broken. So, what can I do to change these people?

I have concluded after much rumination that, simply put, I can encourage them to use their brains. Praise them when they have a good idea, or make a good decision. I worry about these damaged divas influencing my darling daughter but, maybe I can influence them too. Their parents may have failed them but, that doesn’t mean that I have to fail them too. Sure, its much easier to judge and dismiss them but, what if I praised and encouraged them, helped them to discover their ability to think outside of the box, to perceive themselves as smart and beautiful. Teach them to be proud of their ability to think for themselves, instead of following the masses. Knowledge is power, embrace it and be free! Money and possessions will not bring you happiness when all of your shallow soulless friends abandon you and your marriage is failing and your children are turning into spoiled, disrespectful brats. Life is about creating yourself and embracing your imperfections, not copycatting every other blonde bimbo on the planet. I am ever thankful that my parents encouraged me to have both beauty and brains. I too will encourage my daughter to develop her inner and outer beauty. She is already demonstrating high levels of both 😉


Is ignorance bliss?

I feel like my life is falling apart. We have no money and we are behind in all of our bills. I’m afraid that we are going to loose our home and our car. Power and Internet are about to be disconnected. Groceries are low and we are out of milk for our baby. There is nowhere to turn. No friends, or family to bail us out. How did we get here again? I blame my husband, but I too have poor money management skills. He points his finger at me, and says “ignorance is bliss!” Only one year ago we contacted a credit counsellor for help. They consolidated out debt into one easy payment but, what about helping us with strategies to stick to a budget. There wasn’t much in the lines of managing our money. So, here we are again. During the past year I gave birth to a wonderful baby girl. Being on maternity leave was hard on our budget. My husband and I both suffer from fear and anxiety. We both see the same psychologist, separately. On the doctors advice I returned to work one night a week when my daughter was 8 months old. It
Didn’t help financially but, it was good for me to get out of the house. We planned on my return to work full time, and made childcare arrangements with an overpriced daycare. After signing a contract with the daycare, we decided it wasn’t a good fit for us. Unfortunately we would still have to pay for a month of childcare that we didn’t use. Without childcare, we decided it would be best for me to work evenings and weekends so that my husband could take care of our daughter. It’s hard for me to find a balance between being a full time mom, wife, and part time employee. Then trying not to feel guilty about taking time for me. How to other women do it? Especially the moms with multiple children, full time jobs, and unsupportive husbands.
I felt that things were looking up for our family when I was offered a new job with a significant pay increase. New job also means new childcare arrangements. We found a nearby day home for our daughter, still overpriced in my opinion but, what price can you put on quality care for your child? I’m hoping for my daughter to actually have the feeling of being cared for my this lady.

Today my husband walked out the door and said he doesn’t know where he is going and won’t be home tonight. We are several thousand dollars behind in our bills. We are both feeling hopeless. His plan was to get a personal loan. That didn’t work out. Plan B was to ask his father for help. His father currently isn’t in a position to help. His father’s advice was to meet with our credit counsellor. Having already failed us, my husband lacks faith in the credit counsellor’s ability to help us. Plan C is to sell our car. Our beloved little car. We waited so long to buy our first car. Ten years of daily public transit. I watched all of those mothers on the bus struggling with their babies, strollers and parcels. Often feeling sorry for them, especially during inclement weather. Wasting so much of their time waiting for the bus and taking sometimes over an hour to get somewhere that only takes 15 mins by car.
Now here I am faced with being one of those women. I feel that I have failed my daughter. How will I get her to her day home and make it to my new job for 7am. Public transit doesn’t even begin until after 5am, not to mention preparing and feeding myself and my daughter.
I come from a low socioeconomic family. We were barely above the poverty line. I wanted to be able to give my daughter more, and to give myself more. I have failed her already.
Plan D? Move in with family ? We all no how that works. Living with my overbearing mother in law, constantly offering unsolicited advice, and my basement dwelling,uneducated brother in law with alcohol and gambling issues. My commute to work would double from their house.
Then there is my little brother. I have felt like his second mother. I promised him that he would be okay and would never be as poor as our parents. I have supported and encouraged him to the best of my ability. He is doing well for himself. He recently purchased his first home with the help of his girlfriends parents. I worry that he lives pay cheque to pay cheque and is house broke. Living with him and his girlfriend might be an option. They have the room and we all get along reasonably well. The issue is location. They live well outside of the city. It would take at least an hour by car to get to my new job. *sigh*

The only person in our lives with enough credit to cosign a loan for us, lives on the other side of the country.
I guess we could ask my paternal grandmother. We aren’t close. She is religious, and cranky, and a smoker. She lives on the opposite side of town and we don’t visit or call her often. I can’t ask for her help.

My husband travels for is work from time to time. They give him travel advances well in advance of his trip in order to book his flights and hotel rooms. These extra funds in our bank account are too tempting for my husbands impulsive personality. So the travel advance dissipates. He says he will figure things out and make his trip happen. I assume he has asked for more of a travel advance from work. I ask , and he says he took care of it. He has a great trip, took in a NHL game, brings home presents. Then the shit hits the fan. He has promised money that we don’t have to bill collectors. We can’t get a loan. We are screwed. It’s his payday today. I feel slightly optimistic until he mentions that most of his paycheque is owed to a payday loans company. ” how did you think I paid for my trip? ” Gee, Hun, I thought you got an advance from work!!!
His solution to our problems is avoidance and apparently mine is ignorance. I love my husband but I want to wring his neck! I told him to find a new wife if he has to sell our car. I spoke out of anger and frustration. I blame him for frivolously squandering all of our money away. Doesn’t he realize that all of the little purchases add up? I’m not a frivolous woman. I rarely get my hair done, no manis or pedis, my wardrobe is warn and out of date. I get my brows waxed from time to time but I tweeze in between waxes.
We don’t go out for dinner or go on dates. We don’t take vacations. So where does our money go? I want to save for a down payment on a house. I want to start my own RRSP and I want to provide my daughter with opportunities and privileges that I didn’t have.

What does tomorrow have in store for me? I am strong and I am a survivor yet, I feel weak and alone. Will my marriage endure?Where do I go from here? How do I help myself and my family? Life is a struggle. If anyone else feels the way I do please leave me a comment. Or check out the American version of the show Shameless. Fiona Gallagher is strong and she is a survivor! If she can do it, so can I .
Kanye West comes to mind, that that doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger! My theme song for when times are tough. Be strong my friends!